Danielle Aubin, LCSW
When All Is Quiet Enter: Mom Guilt
When your kids have finally gone to sleep after an especially exhausting day, you may think the coast is clear. Now is your moment to have some time to yourself, something you have been desperate to have since 3 pm. All of the sudden, it hits you like a ton of bricks. The times that you lost it with your kids today or yesterday or last year. The ways you might be failing your kids. All of our flaws are out there in the open and you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. Look at how peacefully they are sleeping. They deserve the very best, not a tired, impatient, cranky mom.
Oh, Mama. Breathe. Take a second to notice how much you love those kiddos. Today you were tired and had to suffer through taking care of them before even getting one second to yourself. Once you got that second to yourself, all you felt was guilt and shame for not being a perfect mom. Take a moment to have compassion for how hard it is to care for children without a village surrounding you. This is so hard. There is no way to be perfect here. You are trying. I see you.
Maybe not every moment today was perfect. Maybe there were moments you wish you acted differently. Being conscious and being on the path of breaking cycles is painful especially because that means we are always aware of when things go off track. Our children do not need us to be perfect. They need us to love them. To learn from our mistakes and apologize. They need to us prioritize what is most important in our lives and change what isn't working.
A Tired Mama's Mantra:
Today I wasn't perfect but I tried my best,
I learned from my mistakes and I will try again tomorrow.
The most important thing I can do is love my children and
express my love to them. If I forget or if I become too stressed/overwhelmed/tired
to fully meet their needs and express my love to them, I will try again tomorrow.
I will make changes so that it is easier for me to do it in the future.
I will look within myself and continue to heal the parts of me that prevent me from fully showing up as the mother I want to be.
I forgive myself and I have faith in myself that I will keep growing and healing.
Try to get some rest, Mama. We will try again tomorrow.